I’m trying to get used to this.

So I finally decided to make my blog open to my facebook friends. It’s actually extremely interesting. On my level of sharing things in my life, I realized that Facebook is the last place where I will share personal things about me. I will express myself to no limit on Twitter because I can always resort to “black twitter” and then I will go to instagram sharing pictures of myself and what I am doing, but then Facebook will always be last. I am scared to share my feelings and my true opinions and outlooks on things and I don’t know why. Social media has had  profound effect on my life especially within the last past couple of years when it has consumed everything around us and I have had Facebook for the longest time but I use it the least in forms of sharing things about myself.  It’s really interesting though, I really did not want to share my thoughts and feelings and then have friends read about it on Facebook but then I thought how will I really true grow and learn if I don’t share my experiences with other people? I was kind of shocked by the encouragement I received about sharing my experiences while I am in Spain. I figured people would not want to hear about it, they wouldn’t care and they would not have the sense to keep up with me. You can or cannot keep up with me, but I am using this space to unleash some things that are hidden deep inside me and that have been clawing at me for such a long time.  I know that I have always enjoyed reading and writing but most importantly reading and writing for a change is new for me. I read so much that sometimes that I forget that I am capable of writing by myself and I do have the ability to truly share with my audience my true feelings. It was weird though, I notice that once I shared on Facebook that  I was writing a blog and revealing some of my inner most thoughts to the public that it would change something inside of me. But in actuality I am really happy that I did because I know there are people who care about me and who are truly interested in my growth as a person and I am so completely grateful for that. The thing is I know that I don’t express it at all with my loved ones and friends but It’s true. I really appreciate everything that my family does for me and I value great friendships. Tonight was one of the first nights that I hung out with the other semester students and it was great to know that we both shared some of the same sentiments about life and growing and she understand where I was coming from. Sometimes I feel like I am rambling but I feel like in order for myself to truly get used to expressing myself and understanding myself fully as a person I need to definitely express myself to other people because I cannot live my life as a bitter person. It will make me sad and upset and just all around confused. I  am getting used to this learning about myself and seeing how I will change, but I must admit it is hard. I feel so exposed through this blog,but I realize that is the only way that I will heal and truly love the person that I am. If I don’t accept and acknowledge the person I am, then no really will, and I will always have trouble accepting the real me if that makes any sense whatsoever.

I am still getting used to this writing about my life, but I hope someone will understand and can possibly relate because honestly this is the  most exposed I have been with anyone in my entire life and I feel like it will help me to be a better person. 


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